||The Forever Digest
Not affiliated to the Secret Garden or the Magical Tree
The weary Northern Comic
has a few things to say about women...
(the weary Northern Comic is brought to you by the letters B and M, and the colour Orange)
God, aren't women strange? Shoving tampons up themselves, and making the dinner. VAT on tampons? Too right. If shoving cotton up yourself to prevent nature taking its course isn't a luxury, I don't know what is. If they were made out of emery boards, fair enough, but they're not - they're designed to be comfortable, and comfort is a luxury where I come from. I had to buy cushions when me piles dropped, didn't I? Mind, those tampons do look a bit like dynamite, don't they? What with that piece of string coming out, like a wick. I say we swap all the tampons in the world for sticks out dynamite, blow up their chuffs. God, I haven't had sex in four years. I hate women. Stuck up bitches, with their vibrators all over the place, left right and especially centre.... slags.
So, if you're travelling through space, you'll need a spaceship, NO WOMEN ('cos they smell and can't do three point turns), and a full knowledge of the many space phenomena out there.
|BASIC SPACE THEORY
Picture the universe. Think of it in terms of a magnetised pin. Hide the pin in your house. Then hide five billion more magnetised pins in your house, and invite a friend over to tea. He won't see the pins. He won't even know they are there. Now invite another friend to tea - one with a metal skull. By observing the effects of the magnetic pins on this guest, we can guage the effects of space. The metal skull is the Earth, the pins are humans, and you are a fast spaceship. Your first guest is Brian Blessed, if you're lucky - and the second, if you look closely, was Dennis Hopper in disguise, all the time!
And for God's sake. Shagging your own mother, you sick bitch.
CAN I GET TO THE
END OF SPACE?
|WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN PULSARS AND QUASARS?
Both are big space things - they both send out stroboscopic beams of power, that can have big effects on other things. But pulsars are green, and quasars are red. Therefore, pulsars are Good, like Luke Skywalker's lightsabre, and quasars are bad, a la Darth Vader's. Rumours of other coloured lightsabres have been verified, but space boffins have yet to think of names for the corresponding space phenomenon.
HOW DO SPACE BUBBLES
SPACE POETRY DOESN'T
suction alone, you can cure me.
do that - it's dirty, and I don't like it.
I am sliding - riding the White Swan.