tina turner
dim wuisenburg

snake mountain
trent reznor

celebrity superdrench central

stalking / stalking 2 
unmade sitcoms



Big cocks to letters, then! If my words don't tickle their fancies, then I will have to send them symbols of my undying dedication to their pursuit. And this I shall do, three years to the day after my letter to the owner of the Gladiators went ignored.

However, since my name is now possibly in some stalking register, I will have to change my identity. This is probably true - there is a register that lists people that celebrities should not write back to with such mundane sentiments as "we love all our fans" in case I take it personally, think they mean me in particular, wank into their letter then send it back to them. I say this is probably true because it probably isn't.

So, my new identity!

Name Mandy Tables
Age 12
Lives In the same house as me. I am her cruel uncle.
Likes Lolly, Lollies, bulging lallies, Lily Savage singing lullabies.
Dislikes Being coerced into saying "Peggy Babcock Babcock Peggy" three times by me, especially as I laugh at her so much when she can't.
Dying Of Leukaemia

In choosing my celebrities, I was careful not to choose Sean Bean or Rowan Atkinson. The reason for this being that if I did succumb to the inevitable Beanstalk joke, I would not be able to fit enough exclamation marks into my 50mb of webspace.


the man who puts the "H" into wHolesome pop cunni-joy cannot refuse poor Mandy... surely?
A page out of my imaginary diary H from Steps
(For popsy fun, go to popfest3000)

and given this shitter's track record,
not holding my breath
A pair of quite unpleasant knickers Hunter who is going bald

Good old Nick Cave - will he take time out from being a murderous old bore to help sweet Mandy?

A fearsome tiger-baby toy Nick Cave

Reliable yet moody - will Bernard come up trumps for tainted blood transfusion HIV+ Mandy?

A Bernard Butler single Bernard Butler