intro | cast | one

Wriggling With Pleasure
Get to know the characters - this will inspire a false attachment to them! Then you will feel terribly guilty should you ever miss an episode. Worse than not phoning your Jewish mum, if you have one.

Dave Pleasure
Dave is a gentle hearted delivery boy. In episode #2F13, a routine appendectomy was botched by a doctor who had accidentally drunk an LSD potion. This resulted in both Dave's hands being chopped off, and replaced with a stick and a christmas tree decoration. Since this accident, Dave has had terrible mood swings and is prone to striking out at those closest to him. This edge of domestic abuse lends the show a grittiness that is refreshing, and often hilarious.

Catchphrase : "Always a pleasure!"

Dave Pleasure
Dave Pleasure : you won't want to love him, but you will. Here you can see him with a Helium atom.
Pauline Wriggling
Pauline Wriggling : so oppressed that she is even described in terms of her partner's feelings!

Pauline Wriggling
Pauline supplements the income from Dave's deliveries by dressing up as a dog and obeying fraudulent dog trainers. It is demeaning work, but Dave has convinced her that they need the money. In fact, although Dave doesn't realise it, he unknowingly enjoys the humiliation that his wife suffers, having seen enough episodes of daytime TV to know that the less self-esteem a woman has, the less able she is to get out of a violent relationship.

Pauline also enjoys making taffeta place mats, because she heard Victoria Wood say it, and thought it sounded nice.

Catchphrase : "You can punch my face, but you can't kick my soul!"

Little Peter
Little Peter is a simple boy who walks around the streets waiting for people to feed him. He has grown attached to Pauline since she left out some old tuna on the doorstep to repel evil spirits - it was as though all his Christmasses had come at once! Since then, Peter sits outside and moans until Pauline lets him in, and then he runs up and down the stairs until he wets himself. Then he stares at the washing machine and screams. The only thing that can calm him down is fire, which Peter could look at all day. Peter's attempts to stroke fire are always a source of amusement, and from the third series, they are shown as the end credits run.

Catchphrase : "I'm hungry - so hungry it hurts!"

Charlotte Wriggling
Charlotte is Pauline's daughter from her previous marriage to a dancing man. She is upfront and sassy, and provides the show with the thing that makes it balanced - a non-retarded child. Charlotte is, however, starting that difficult time in her life; the time when she joins her first minority politics cult and starts stealing money from Pauline's purse to pay for printing manifestos. Cunningly, this "Lisa Simpson" trick prevents complaints of bleakness and misogyny by presenting a loveable, if sickening, embodiment of a future of equality! 

Catchphrase : "Actually, post-feminism is far more potent than smelly radical feminism. So there."

And in the middle of it all, Baby! Sweet, innocent Baby! The fruit of Dave and Pauline's single moment of union, Baby remains safe from involvement with the ugly storylines, except for episode #2G23, where a goose lands in his pram. Baby doesn't get punched, burned, opinionated, or severed. He just is Baby. And how!

Catchphrase : [voiceover] "This crazy house!"