intro | cast | one
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Pauline These men are right spunky, aren't they, Rupert? I could quite misbehave!
Owner Are you a boy? There's no boys allowed.
Pauline Quickly, hide, it's the mad-eyed owner, and he operates a strict "women only" policy! If he finds boys in the club, he hits them with a bag of marbles. It's a less severe form of the "pool ball in a sock" classic. It doesn't really hurt.
Rupert Still, I don't want to make a scene. I'll hide under your dress.
Pauline Promise you won't nibble anything while you're down there!
Rupert I ain't promising nothing!
Owner Where did he go?
Pauline [giggling] Where did who go, Officer?
Owner There was a boy in my club, watching the big burly dancing men. It just doesn't make sense.
Pauline You must be mistaken, or on drugs that have addled your mind. If you say one more thing I shall telephone the mayor and have you arrested.
[A chomping sound begins to rise from Pauline's dress]
Owner What's that sound? It sounds like cunnilingus!
Pauline No it doesn't. Cunnilingus has a less resonant tone, and frequent slurping.
Owner Yes, you are right. It sounds more like chucking a sponge down a gulley. If that were cunnilingus, the woman would have to a fanny bigger than a row of terraced houses!
Pauline How dare you, sir! I'll have you know there's enough tension in my flaps to snap a pencil. And if you take out my lungs there is enough surface area to cover a tennis court, although that is true of everyone.
Owner Useful gifts. I have changed my mind about you, lady. You're all right. Would you like to touch the dancers on their cocks?
Pauline Why, yes, I would. Thank you very much.
[They walk over to the dancers, Pauline walks awkwardly.]
Owner Here, Phil. This lady wants to touch your cock. Get it out for her.
Dancer 1 OK boss. Whoops! I've slipped in some baby oil, and my cock's heading straight for her ear!
Pauline Cripes! It's stuck fast! I can only hear in mono now. So this is what it was like in the sixties.
Owner You two other dancers - offer her your cocks as purchase so that she can pull herself to her feet!
Dancers 2 and 3 Righty ho.
Pauline Oh, dear. This puddle of baby oil is causing me to slip as well, so my attempt to pull myself up with these two men's cocks is failing. But I will keep pulling at their cocks in an effort to correct myself.
Dancers 2 and 3 You'll manage it in the end, dear.
Dancer 4 Now she's half-way up, I could try and support her by putting my cock up her arse.
Dave [entering with a badminton racket] Wait a minute, this doesn't look like the leisure centre... Hang on, is that you, Pauline?
Pauline This isn't what it looks like, Dave!
[her dress flies off to reveal Rupert, who pauses his activity to give Dave a thumbs-up as Dancers 2 and 3 ejaculate onto her breasts]
Pauline Wait, Dave!
Owner [to Rupert] Are you a boy?

The dancing men are the stunningly bodied Phil Anderson
who also manages to be a sound bloke. Fucker.

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