beer makes you queer, southern comfort makes your bum hurt

Tit Witch
Tit Witch Best Bitter

The Tit Witch is a folk legend in Cumbria; the story has it that every year, the Tit Witch drives into town on a mini-scooter, and falls in love with a virgin. After a fairly tempestuous start to the relationship, with plenty of sex, and some passionate Italian arguments, she will leave the man and move back in with her mother, leaving the man to make himself beans on toast, not even having the energy to masturbate over the memory of her breasts. This lasts for about a week, before the man shows up at the pub and gets drunk with his friends. This fairly outlandish folk legend is reflected will in the beer, which tastes like bumfluff and chalk.