scrumpy makes you grumpy, tequila droops your feelers
(if you are an insect)

Grisly End
Sweet Lips Stout
Zelah, Cornwall

Drinkers of this beer slip almost immediately into a lingering melancholy. This is thanks to a combination of natural sedatives, and poison. Brewed in Devon by a registered paedophile, the Grisly End range of beers are all piped through tiny plastic corridors measuring less than 0.5mm across. As a result, they come out of the end at speeds in excess of 200mph, lasering through the bottom of the glass and landing on the floor, where they traditionally sit for some time before somebody mops them up.