GETTING INTO HEAVEN
Fig 1. Atheism
Atheists are even worse than people who believe
in other Gods. Their insufferable arrogance allows them to indulge in
sex, and Chunky Kit-Kats, without the fear of divine retribution for promiscuity
or gluttony. God, in his wisdom, invented crabs and being really fat to
punish this scum in ways that they might understand.
Fig 2. Christianity
Jesus, the key to your redemption, slips neatly into your
life, without discomfort. If installed correctly, you won't even know
he's there. And he keeps working around the clock. Because you're worth
Fig 3. What Happens
When A Christian Dies
When a Christian dies, they go into Heaven. That's the whole point, really.
No-one else can get into Heaven, as that would be unfair on all the Christians
who have behaved themselves for their whole lives, and who would feel
pretty fucking stupid if they saw a prostitute in Heaven, even if she
was just doing it to pay for the medicine for her Spina Bifida baby.