this floor : intro | chat! | multimedia | the book | information desk | joey talks | thanksemail
also on this floor : john's not mad : correspondance
ground floor :

(by clapping the backs of your hands together)
(whilst trying to bite your own shoulder)

(and saying things with your tongue in front of your bottom teeth)

(and losing your shoe off the side of a boat)

Of course. The Joey part of the site is now thanks only to the people who have helped. I started it, but these are the folk that made it huge. They are probably all fascists and paedophiles in real life, but in the dim and eerie world of the internet, they are stunners.

where Joey Deacon receives a passing mention.....

SpleeN!, who have compiled a page that is coming at the whole thing from roughly the same angle as myself. Oh, and they've got an animated gif, which I'd love to steal but have too many morals. And a little survey, which is just simply beyond me.
A Very Obscure Mention...  and I quote, "Hi my Names Richard. Wellcome to my page it's just being bilt! Let my tell you it will have top tv Female's! Like Zoe Ball, Gail porter etc & people like Joey Deacon. Plus some Skateboarding & other stuff like bog art!" Truly a man with eclectic taste - and a writing style that is authentically sub-Joey!
Living Marxism in a piece of anti-political correctness which entirely justifies my use of the word "spastic" on another page. Thanks to Mr Marx, and his spunky sidekick Engels for providing me with this excuse.
Nova's TV Schedule another programme, simply and effectively titled "Joey", (could have used an exclamation mark)  was produced, apparently with other sufferers playing Joey at different stages of his life. To get my hands on this gem would be utterly cockshattering.
Rob Djelal's "Whatever Happened To..?" Rob attended a three day course on web design, and produced this page. I've been told that it's copied entirely out of Sky Magazine, which means that Rob Djelal is a bad man, but it's funny anyways.
(these sites, again, were found by John Young - who, together with a secondary school teacher who wishes to remain anonymous, are the reasons why there are now six subsections to this section of the website)
Dr Sex's Parlor contains a real life Joey Deacon, and this is his picture...
Deacon Joey yes, it's getting obscure, but meet Deacon Joey Targac. A preacher who should consider himself lucky that he doesn't live in England. Thanks to John Rowley for this wee booby.


Jonathan, an interesting man whose thoughtfulness included dropping the book "Tongue Tied" off into the pub, under plain wrap. Without Jonathan, these pages would be considerably fewer - no pictures, no book.
This is the man. Alarmingly, Jonathan is a teacher.

Milan, who has clearly spent as much time as I have dedicating precious time to Joseph. You can see his artistry on this website, here, or you can download his Deacon game from here. He also wrote the chatboard - but if two people have even been on THAT at the same time, I'll be amazed.

Andrew Branson, who is credited with animating Joey, as if he wasn't animated enough, grunting and kicking like a man possessed. Shockwave here.

Twisticles, the man who sent in information about the Bring & Buy sale; also, whose website is state-of-the-art cyberteasery, brought to you by the letter "M". Twisticles has a pierced tadger.

Iain Turnbull,  and his faceless colleagues. I can only respect their appreciation of all things Deacon; and thank them for their contributions., a true gentleman who nom de plume in his new fangled "pop musical band" is Cyril B. Palsy. He provided me with the name "Eddie", which turned out to be utterly wrong, anyhoo. But he tried - that's the important thing. He was the very first to reply to my Deacon baiting - so I salute him. And it turns out we share a common, real, acquaintance; although we have yet to meet...

John Young, whose promises of pictures kept my flagging interest in the Deacon phenomenon sky high. You can now contact him on

Mr Westworth, who informed me about the shoe falling off the side of the boat, a day after someone called Simon Wallett told me the same thing in the pub. Yes, I do have these conversations in real life as well, and yes, I probably will go to hell.

Evan, who reminded me that yes, I did indeed call the arcade game "Phoenix" by its alternate name, Kill Joey Deacon In His Padded Cell. This was a true revelation, and it made me laugh for twenty minutes. 

To thank you all properly, here is a photo of me trying to look like Joey himself.
Crude, perhaps.

"Stephen Hawking just doesn't have the same cachet. Mind you, he just doesn't try. All the knowledge of quarks and black holes in the world won't wipe his bum of a morning."
Matthew Wharmby