Below is a collection of baby photographs; endearing and cute, perhaps, but always fundamentally embarassing. Click around for a while of entertainment.

Before you play hunt the lipstick, however, I should warn you that the Fire Lipstick became detached, and whirled off into a splintered nebula.


ripped papers
[the giraffe, the big issue, t3, disappointment]

A big old section. The Giraffe is just an idle attempt to do something Onion-esque with no design skills. The Big Issue and T3 - a pair of sorta parodies. And disappointment; something that remains an inexplicable anomaly. Fun to be had : 7/10

celebrity fun [including the stalking pages]

A whole heap of crap. I still like the stalking pages, however. And despite universal ragging, I still quite like the "Fry Your Own Cock With Trent Reznor" page. Stuff like the Tina Turner musical and Snake Mountain Nights, though, was a case of "Oh, fuck - I've written it now, I might as well put it up."

the m'lud life

Six whole episodes of a Sitcom that might be described by a generous observer as "patchy". Including a substantial rewrite of episode one as a radio script.


the alien fingers

I found a picture on the internet of two space fingers. Then I did this.

the basil brush showboat of chaos

When I thought I'd try and write a few pages of amusing things on the internet, I was blissfully unaware of a grand tradition of assigning evil characteristics to the traditionally cute. These pages were the basis of my first ever hate mail, from a lady who told me I was wasting my time. Like, dur..

random captions create joy

A picture, chosen from random. A caption, chosen from random.
Will the result be funny?


it's just the beer talking

This makes me wince a lot - but you might like it, if you're thick or something. So here it is.

the international wall of nipples

Look, there's only so much apologetic self-deprecation one man can sustain before he starts coming across as pathetic. So this page, yeah? This page is fucking ace. My most theoretically sound and superbly executed work to date. Yes... I called it a work!

the meta-archive

The first attempt at an archive is now here - enter this ole house entirely at your own risk. I was 23, I'd just been dumped, and I was working with databases. This is what came of it.